It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I’ve been busy preparing for job interviews and whatnot. None of them really worked out for me though. I blame it on the fact that I have a speech impediment — I stutter, hence the title of my blog — and can’t really perform during interviews, but now it’s feeling like it’s just an excuse to not try harder.
However, every time that I get a call back for a job that I applied for (about 1 in 15), I dread the entire process all over again. The process of having a hard time talking over the phone or face-to-face, and having the interviewer either try to contain their laughter or get so impatient with me you can hear it in their voice. I have to admit, it’s demotivating. The fresh out of college kid with dreams and aspiration is now buried beneath a pile of disappointment. I no longer see him in the mirror and he no longer talks me.
I’ve been trying to use this as a source of motivation; to show that I am more than my stutter. However, I am having trouble starting. On my previous post I talked about finding motivation. I found it, but motivation isn’t constant. It isn’t forever. It depletes overtime. It’s like a goldmine and when I finish mining all of its resources, I have to find another one. At least that’s how it’s been for a while.
I know this post isn’t of the lightest tone, but I just had to get this off my chest. I know I’ll pick things up again. It’s just a matter of time. I picked up a few textbooks to learn and a novel or two to enjoy in the meantime before I start applying for jobs again. Hopefully it works out better next time; my student loans aren’t going to pay themselves off.